FEAR AND DESPAIR

There are always so many things that could go wrong. There are so many ways that I could end up destitute, bored, unsatisfied, remorseful, or resentful. I could end up stuck alone in a run-down nursing home bereft of health or companionship and waiting for the relief of my final breath. My body weakens, falls apart; I live in constant physical pain and in a state of hopelessness. The money runs out, pleasure dissipates into thin air, and all is lost.

The more I focus on these things, the worse I feel. The more attention I give to my fears the more fearful I become. There seems to be no way out because I cannot see anything but the worst outcomes and this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. At least something is fulfilled! With this insight, the questions become: “how do I get out of this cycle, how do I not think about these fear inducing subjects? I do know that it is impossible to not think about something. I will have to set my attention elsewhere. There are some things that I may not be able to change, but my perspective can perhaps be altered. This is true of my view of the past, and also my perspectives on the future. Nevertheless the repercussions are happening now. So is it just a matter of thinking “happy thoughts,” and repeating affirmations or coping statements?

Research shows that the more we practice anything the better we become at it. Unfortunately, this is also true of bad things, habits, addictions, etc.  

Meditating monks are able to find deeper calming states when they have been meditating for more years. Alcoholics build greater resistance or tolerance to the effects of alcohol, and over time they have to drink more to achieve the same highs. We learn negative thought patterns by practicing saying these things to ourselves. It follows that we can re-learn better, more useful ways of thinking by practicing repetitions of these statements instead.

It is when something is seen as life threatening that we have a hard time releasing ourselves from repetitious patterns of thinking. At that point our brain has already determined that it must help us out to deal with what appears as “mortal danger.” 

In so doing the brain releases stress hormones, which innervate our autonomic nervous system (specifically our sympathetic nervous system) and exacerbate our levels of anxiety. 

Will I be able to survive on the money that I have saved for retirement? 

Only time will tell. Yet my stress response is triggered by my thoughts of disaster, poverty, lack of funds to live the kind of life I believe that I have earned and that I deserve. Images are created in my mind’s eye that reinforce my downfall and I continue on the downward spiral of rumination.

Some suggestions for allowing fear to disappear include: 

Practicing loving kindness meditations 

Focusing on gratitude or things that we are thankful for

Visualizing neutral or positive outcomes

Leading a lower-stress lifestyle 

Incorporating repetition of coping statements 

Deep breathing exercises 

Talking it out 

Becoming more comfortable with uncomfortable feelings

Journaling

Regular exercise

Consistent sleep patterns