MAKING CHOICES

I have been very interested in the notion of “choice” just lately. We make choices all the time. Of course, choosing to not make a choice is also a choice. Sometimes choices seem like they are life altering, and the importance that we inject into a particular choice might make it seem as though our life depends on it. That is when our survivor mode kicks in, we begin an inner battle of epic proportions, and the brain responds by sending out stress hormones which then cause us to be more perturbed and anxious than ever. Are these choices really about actual survival? Perhaps sometimes, but very rarely! Once we make a choice do we have to stick with it? If we change our minds then did we really ever make an actual initial decision? Are we making decisions in every moment? Is there at least the potential to make a decision at any given moment?

Choices, choices...

When we make a decision we immediately exclude other options. Perhaps in alternate worlds those lives may play themselves out; then again, probably not. We do have the option to perceive our choices as having been good or bad with the benefit of a retrospective stance. Even then, a decision may seem like a good one at one moment but might be seen as a tragic choice later on, or vice versa.

We may look back on life and regard particular moments as being pivotal. We might be hard-wired toward constant change or we may crave consistency. Nevertheless the world is constantly changing as it remains in basically the same orbit. 

The universe may itself be evolving. What we see in the night sky are images set in motion in the distant past - just a twinkling in the space/time continuum. Do we change over time or do we remain the same? In this context, what impact does any specific choice make? The significance that we apply to any decision is ultimately what defines its importance to us.

At some point in the past several years I made a choice that I wanted to retire early. My mother died at 64 and I figure that I am going to last longer than that. Nevertheless, I chose the age of 63 as a point that I wanted to retire. I arranged my mortgage to end at about that time. I tried to put more money away for retirement. I began talking to others about the prospect of retirement. I thought about what my retirement might look like so that I could get some perspective of what I am retiring into rather than just what I am retiring from. Then one day I chose the date for my retirement. May 6, 2016.  I started my countdown calendar. There were several more steps in the process until I eventually gave my notice at work 90 days ahead of time.

This week circumstances at work led me to offer to change my retirement date, to delay it by a month to allow for hiring an appropriate replacement for myself. This was not an easy decision. I had a trajectory, a point of entry into retirement land and now I have to re-think things a little. I made the offer in order to help my co-workers, and there are also some relatively small financial benefits for me. A month is not a long time in the big picture, but I may have to reset my countdown clock.