LISTS OF LISTS

It’s complicated. I have planned a glorious six and a half week vacation to lead off my retirement. It’s actually a conglomeration of five or six vacations in one. I have decided that I will include the narrative of this trip in this blog rather than starting a new travel blog as I have done previously. This trip is now all booked and leaves little opportunity for spontenaiety or just hanging around and relaxing. Getting prepared has taken a boatload of research. I have been busy coordinating several people, timing multiple parts of the trip to interlock seamlessly, arranging flights to accommodate others, and so on. Planes, trains, buses, cars, and boats, Air BnBs, hotels, Bed & Breakfasts, and four countries in forty-five days. This will include trips with old friends, my brother, and my wife, a 45-year reunion, and the making of a documentary.

I have had to think about how to make a movie, how to make connections in foreign countries, how to arrange time that I can see many different people who are very dear to me, how to make maps and information available, how to get my iPhone unlocked (it’s a miracle!), 

how to find a place to stay in Edinburgh during the Festival, and in Paris on Bastille Day.

 

Now I have to figure out what to pack, and how to structure the timing of doing laundry so that I don’t run out of underwear. I have to prepare for the weather and make sure that I have good walking shoes. Do I need some nice clothes for a special occasion? The hardest part has been trying to figure out what equipment I need to bring to accommodate my love of photography, and the technology for a blog. The documentary has now added the complication of video and audio equipment and the extra hard drive space that I will need to accommodate all that data.

Yes, I have been making lists. I have been making lists of lists. I have also been busy preparing for my retirement, aligning my finances, preparing a will and a trust, and completing Power of Attorneys for Health Care. I have been paying bills in advance, calling credit card companies, and making sure that I have some pounds and some euros. 

 

I have been checking in with people and with places that I am staying, printing out tickets and information, making sure I have back-ups of some of my documents, and arranging for a friend to pick up some of my gear so that I don’t have to cart it around with me on all of my travels. I am making lists of lists of lists. My desk is covered with scraps of paper, reminders, information, and instructions that I hope I can make sense of during the next week or so.

Yes, it is complicated but I find this all very rewarding. There is a sense of accomplishment, of overcoming barriers and fears and proceeding anyway. I have worked through problems and hit a few walls, which I have navigated around. I have had a lot of luck and I will never underestimate good fortune or the generosity and flexibility of friends and loved ones.

MY LAST WEEK AT WORK

I am very much enjoying my month of three day weeks leading up to my retirement.
I will work Wednesday, Thursday and Friday this week and then I am all done. My retirement party is on Wednesday.
Yesterday there was a fireworks display in Madison. It was 9 days early for Independence Day and 6 days early for my retirement. It seems appropriate that my first weekday off will be Independence Day!

I shot and edited a video of the fireworks display which I am now adopting as my own celebration. Here it is. Watch in full screen.

LETTING GO

Two weeks left at work; six more workdays. And that is it! No more false endings, no further transitional extensions. On Friday, July 1, I will work my final day. These next two weeks will be to finish up, to orient my successor, to say goodbye, to let go, and to finally move on.

It had taken longer than expected to find my replacement. At some point it was clear that I could no longer keep hanging on. The “letting go” process is not linear. It involves loss and grief just like any other situation wherein you no longer have something (or someone) that had become quite familiar and even life defining over the course of multiple decades. I do believe in the tenderness of goodbyes. I have been counting down to retirement for the best part of a year and this process has been a conscious attempt to try to make things real, to talk openly about what is going on, to allow myself and others time and space to take it all in, to plan, and now, as I have said, to move on.

I will have a goodbye party and am grateful for that. Initially I was reticent to do this as it seemed like each day is a celebration and goodbyes are best tendered individually. I changed my mind as a couple of other people left the workplace recently; I attended their farewells and was quite moved. It adds finality, and I can allow myself to be appreciated while being able to reflect on the wonderful people I have worked with, and the amazing times that we have spent together over the course of the last 30-odd years. And then it will be behind me. Of course, I will remember all of these wonderful times: sometimes frustrating, but mostly endearing, unusual, growthful, and very real. I will remember the hard-working, caring people that I have worked beside. I will take with me the courage of the patients that I have worked with every day. It has been a great privilege to share their suffering and their recovery; to be a part of their process and not just observing it from the outside. I have learned from so many people and hope that I can be curious and open enough in interpersonal relationships to continue to learn and grow.

I do realize that letting go is a process. I will be letting go of many things. Destruction, death, and loss lead to change. Newness can unfold from the ashes, grow from the fertile soil. The places that we have been will add structure to the roads that we choose to take. Right now there is an immense conglomeration of feelings. Sadness and excitement co-exist. The future is opening up.

RETIREMENT FEES

The John Oliver show recently did an interesting spot on the costs incurred when using financial advisors of most kinds. Unless the advisor is an actual "fiduciary" they have no obligation to work on your behalf and, in fact, can profit immensely at your expense. If you decide to view the amusing video below, watch out for bad language, poor taste, and some ugly factoids.

As I make financial choices for my retirement, I am drawn toward low cost index funds and more bonds. My current savings have had all kinds of unexpected fees, penalties, and lower than index growth. Everywhere in the financial world I find that there are new ways to take my money. I recently decided to pay off the last couple of months of my mortgage and found that there were $60 in fees in order to do this. Why is it that I cannot suddenly tell my mortgage company that I am going to charge them $60 as partial payment for the other $200,000 that I have had to pay in interest on a house that I bought in 1987 for $60,000?

Apparently if I want to draw $10,000 from my retirement 401K, I have to pay 13,3000 to cover 25% taxes this year. I thought that would be $12,500 but when you look closely you have to pay tax on the amount of tax that you have to take out. Too many surprises like this I am afraid. And yes, I am afraid.

MAKING A MOVIE

I am hoping to make a smallscale documentary starting this summer. The plan is to film my upcoming 45 year reunion with dear friends whom I lived with after leaving high school. Five of us will gather in early August for a long weekend in London near the site of our original communal flat in Muswell Hill (circa 1971-2). I am a competent photographer but filmmaking is relatively new to me. I have been practicing with my new camcorder and with editing software and have put together an 8 minute video depicting the great Madison fun event Brat Fest, the biggest Bratwurst event in the world.

If you are interested in looking at this movie you can see it here.
I recommend that you watch in full screen (click on the symbol on the bottom right once the video starts):

WHAT DO I LOVE?

It was Joseph Campbell who coined the phrase, “Follow your bliss.” Like much wisdom the term has become overused, and thus loses its poignancy. Going into retirement, I am forced to examine what it is in my life that gives me a sense of meaning and purpose; what inspires me, excites me, calms me, helps me feel proud, as though I have achieved something, has enabled me to be a better person, to help others, to maintain a state of curiosity and positive anticipation.

There are everyday things that get me going: sports, projects, aspects of daily living like eating good food, pleasant company, and so on.

But what truly makes me feel human, fulfilled, and alive?

Human connection based on honesty and a seeking of the truth

Skepticism that cuts through the BS

Creating something good out of little or nothing

Feeling that I am able to help somebody else

Exploring something exciting that I didn’t already know about

Learning something that reinforces what I already hoped to be true

Seeing or hearing about acts of kindness

Wild art

Art that touches a place inside me that I was previously unaware of

Achieving a goal

Travel: researching, planning, booking, being there, photographing, and sharing

A good story well told

Being in nature quietly

When music resonates
Realizing that I know nothing