TRAVELING THROUGH TIME

When I used to ponder what retirement would look like, the first association was that it would allow time for me to travel. I love exploring new places, new cultures, and new ideas. When I was younger I had visions of expanding my narrow consciousness through exploration, by understanding that this is not all there is, that others may well view what is important in the world through a different lens. I traveled in my late teens and early twenties through parts of Europe and Asia. I spent months at a time living in a place and getting to feel like I knew something of the nature of where I was. I was on a mission to understand how vast the world is, and to encapsulate a synthesis of the divergence therein.

Traveling had to do with going to other places and finding myself within the context of place. It had to do with remaining somewhere with commitment until ready to move on. The journey had to be as important as the arrival; the people could allow me in as they saw fit. The place would either draw me in or repulse me, and sometimes both. There was little caution and a lot of curiosity; perhaps that is the definition of naivety. 

Below is a response that I wrote to a friend in 2012 on the subject of travel:

Ramblings on Travel and Consciousness

Travel may offer us an opportunity to see different things, people, and places. More importantly, through travel, we may be able to actually see differently. To see through the eyes of a person who is living a different life, we are able then to imagine differently. Our horizons are broadened. Although we are still bound by our fears and preservation instincts we still have the opportunity to move beyond that; and that is where the adventure resides.

When I was younger I was not afraid of dying, I was correct in knowing that I would not die an early death. It was much easier then to travel, to follow my nose, to be open to the next thing, to remain non-judging but still to generally be able to discern and to make good decisions. It was a gift to have some money, usually a travel companion and plenty of free time. When I was in (and on my way to) India, I was excited and open. I was curious about what the place had to offer for me and knew, quite rightly, that I had little to offer in return. India then was the guru. I allowed her to nurture me and to teach me to see differently. As a kid from the East End struggling to break free of the tremendous gravity of class, place and family, I now had a resolution and anticipation that was wildly unfamiliar and freeing.

They say that in India we are taken back to another time. For me the world began to slow down even as the crowds and chaos erratically encircled me. Preconceptions will guide our experience and nowhere more so than in India. Whatever we bring to a place in terms of our expectations will surely play out in our perceptions and experiences. Our brains try to make sense of utter chaos and the easiest way is to try to fit the unnerving, unidentifiable patterns of life on the streets into something tangible, into pre-existing belief systems and ways of seeing, encoding and finding a semblance of meaning within the context of the already known. This can work well enough if you are on a trip or a sight seeing tour; if you have a few weeks out of your workaday life to explore another country, another culture. But, in traveling there is a commitment to living wholeheartedly in that place with those people as one of those people, though never accepted or truly a part of the place. There is the desire to learn and fit in even though you will never completely fit in, will always be extraneous. In that very process we are changed, transformed, no longer that which we were; and in that way consciousness is altered, expanded.

As with psychedelics, when a shift of this magnitude occurs in how we see the world, we still have to find a way to cognitively integrate the disintegration of what we previously believed. Otherwise we are lost, destroyed, bemused, baffled by it all; or more likely our brains will resort to our ordained safety mechanisms of finding order in what we already believed. Not too different from the dissonance we might feel when we find out that our beloved politician is a liar, that a wife cheated on us or that our esteemed sports team are not really that good any more. A state of shock ensues.

We now have what are known as a global economy, the world wide web, social networking, news, stories and photographs from and of the most distant places. You can travel anywhere from anywhere and you may not even have to leave your home. And yet, what are the images that are being drawn of places more foreign to us? So often in America I hear people talking about “those people over there” and offering some convoluted version of an article they read that marginalizes a whole race of people, a whole culture or country without any attempt at understanding. It is this concept of “other” that forms the definition of xenophobia. We fear that which we do not understand unless we embrace others as extensions of ourselves. We must reach out with a desire to understand, and with openness to learning, to expand our consciousness through connection, compassion and curiosity. 

During my workaday world there have been more opportunities to take trips for up to three or four weeks at a time. I traveled to various places in the USA and Canada – cities and National Parks. 

New York

Alberta, Canada

Alaska

Hawaii

I have been to England, Paris, Spain, Italy, Germany, Morocco, India, and Japan in recent years. 

London

Paris

Cordoba, Spain

Positano, Italy

Berlin, Germany

Morocco

India

Sahara Desert

Japan

 I have been interested in photographing these places and have tended to see them through the camera viewfinder. These have been great breaks from the tedium of everyday, and have provided talking topics and photographic albums. Nevertheless they have always left me with a feeling of wanting more, a desire to go deeper. They have been thumbnails rather than landscapes, stolen glances rather than love affairs.

In retirement there is the siren call of a world of variety. There is little ground left that has not been trodden upon. There is a plethora of information available; sometimes it seems as though I have already visited a place when I get there. When I was in Venice, I looked around me and found picture postcards everywhere – I had seen these scenes before! 

Venice, Italy

I am calloused, and perhaps less open to change as I have grown older. I have more to lose and therefore I am more cautious and protective. My body is not as flexible as it used to be and traveling has thus become more difficult. I have a need for more comfort. I will take the easy route, the softer bed. I will choose to stay at home and rest rather than to go out and experience the place that I am in. In fact, I become more aware that the place that I am in is the body that I am in that moves through the places where I go. I am encapsulated and less open. These are the challenges that I expect to face when traveling now.

WHAT ARE YOU RETIRING INTO?

Last week I was at a life celebration of a former co-worker who died recently. I spoke to some people that I had not seen in more than twenty years. It is profound to review lives spanning a long  period and seeing people grow and age and mature. I have been thinking a lot lately about how we simultaneously change while we stay the same. Life is a moving train that keeps moving along but whatever happens along the way, we are still on the same train.

So, in retirement, are we more the same or more different? Which parts of us change and which parts stay the same? 

Do we really find a more natural temporal rhythm once our schedule ceases to be dominated by a version of time that has been structured by a daily work routine? What happens to all that extra time - the eight hours previously spent at work?

It is one thing giving up work, leaving an environment that we no longer want, but, as a Psychiatrist at that memorial asked me, “what are you retiring into?” I feel like I found a healthy sense of purpose in my work; what will happen to that element of fulfillment? It’s one thing to fill time; it is another completely to be fulfilled over time. It is not a simple process to imagine a new structure that will bring wholeness to the hole in time. It would be hyperbolic to think of retiring into myself, an unbridled onrushing into a passionate void, feeding the unharnessed magician waiting to evolve, and thus taking the world by storm.

Nevertheless, I would love to believe that I might able to attain a state of calmness, of equanimity, a distance from worries, and an ability to move into my own natural rhythm. I am trying to visualize something like this while maintaining a sense of excitement, of spontaneity, of adventure and curiosity, a desire to learn and to try new things. My desire is that I will not be moving into an absence but rather into a sense of fullness.

FEAR AND DESPAIR

There are always so many things that could go wrong. There are so many ways that I could end up destitute, bored, unsatisfied, remorseful, or resentful. I could end up stuck alone in a run-down nursing home bereft of health or companionship and waiting for the relief of my final breath. My body weakens, falls apart; I live in constant physical pain and in a state of hopelessness. The money runs out, pleasure dissipates into thin air, and all is lost.

The more I focus on these things, the worse I feel. The more attention I give to my fears the more fearful I become. There seems to be no way out because I cannot see anything but the worst outcomes and this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. At least something is fulfilled! With this insight, the questions become: “how do I get out of this cycle, how do I not think about these fear inducing subjects? I do know that it is impossible to not think about something. I will have to set my attention elsewhere. There are some things that I may not be able to change, but my perspective can perhaps be altered. This is true of my view of the past, and also my perspectives on the future. Nevertheless the repercussions are happening now. So is it just a matter of thinking “happy thoughts,” and repeating affirmations or coping statements?

Research shows that the more we practice anything the better we become at it. Unfortunately, this is also true of bad things, habits, addictions, etc.  

Meditating monks are able to find deeper calming states when they have been meditating for more years. Alcoholics build greater resistance or tolerance to the effects of alcohol, and over time they have to drink more to achieve the same highs. We learn negative thought patterns by practicing saying these things to ourselves. It follows that we can re-learn better, more useful ways of thinking by practicing repetitions of these statements instead.

It is when something is seen as life threatening that we have a hard time releasing ourselves from repetitious patterns of thinking. At that point our brain has already determined that it must help us out to deal with what appears as “mortal danger.” 

In so doing the brain releases stress hormones, which innervate our autonomic nervous system (specifically our sympathetic nervous system) and exacerbate our levels of anxiety. 

Will I be able to survive on the money that I have saved for retirement? 

Only time will tell. Yet my stress response is triggered by my thoughts of disaster, poverty, lack of funds to live the kind of life I believe that I have earned and that I deserve. Images are created in my mind’s eye that reinforce my downfall and I continue on the downward spiral of rumination.

Some suggestions for allowing fear to disappear include: 

Practicing loving kindness meditations 

Focusing on gratitude or things that we are thankful for

Visualizing neutral or positive outcomes

Leading a lower-stress lifestyle 

Incorporating repetition of coping statements 

Deep breathing exercises 

Talking it out 

Becoming more comfortable with uncomfortable feelings

Journaling

Regular exercise

Consistent sleep patterns

SATISFACTION

Going into retirement, the question that haunts me is, “how will I achieve or maintain a sense of satisfaction?” When do we feel satisfied? We may be satisfied at any given time but what about that overall sense that we are satisfied with life? The question elicits the idea of where we fall on the continuum between scarcity versus abundance. Do I see the world as being a safe place where I will get my basic needs met, or am I always worried that there will never be enough to go around? 

Am I happy with what I have or am I always seeking more? Does achieving goals make us more satisfied? Also we have to examine our perspectives on how well our expectations match up with our actual ability; and then the very nature of how we view our selves in terms of self-esteem, comparing ourselves to others, and our sense of worthiness.

Much of my research on the subject of satisfaction mirrors advice given on stress management or on lifestyle change. Live a healthy life, get involved, pursue calming activities, don’t spend time worrying, know yourself, and live life fully. The memes we see on social media sites will declare that we either need to be helpful to others or we have to be strong for ourselves.

It seems that there are degrees of satisfaction, and that it is perfunctory to hope to be fully satisfied all the time. Rather like perfectionism: the state of never being satisfied with ourselves or with the world around us. It is a question of what is good enough?

Isn’t the place where we are right now an okay place to be? - this is, after all, all we have, and it is not worth worrying or complaining about.

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski on Stress

It seems to me that we have to confront and ultimately accept our dissatisfactions. To do this we must be non-judgmental, kind, and compassionate to ourselves. Growth occurs through stretching our boundaries, by attempting the unexpected, by being more spontaneous. Sometimes we must explore our discomforts in the moment in order to lead a more satisfied life overall.

THE RETIREMENT INTERVIEWS #3

I am interviewing several people around “retirement age” to get their individual opinions about their personal experiences.

BILL

I worked with Bill for some twenty years and initially grew closer to him as we talked about our respective travails through divorce. We worked pretty closely together over the last ten years or so and I always think of him as a very thoughtful man with a strong moral conviction to do the right thing. He retired some 18 months ago. We had talked about the process of moving ahead into this next life stage for quite a while before he actually retired.

When Bill left work he joked with people who asked how he would fill his time by responding, “I am going to sit around in my underwear watching TV.” 

In reality, Bill assigned ample time to allow himself to get a feel for how retirement would be, and what might emerge as most compelling. The final year of Bill’s work at the hospital involved increased responsibilities with limited reward and left Bill somewhat regretful about staying on to help out in that role. He notes that he has not had a moment of regret about retirement.

Bill is generally a very frugal person. The joke at work was that he would complain about the price of the cookies at lunch and thus would not buy one. His frugality has allowed him the knowledge that he can live reasonably cheaply, and he has a clear overall plan to manage his resources from here on.

Bill grew up in a large, close-knit family. Family has always been very important to him. He ventured into theology and then social work, and has managed to combine both in his work and in his life perspectives. These are evident also in his rich relationships, sense of humor, and the personal nature of his spiritual pursuits.

Bill has indeed spent time watching old TV shows that he grew up with and has enjoyed re-runs of the Rifleman and more recently Kung Fu. 

These were shows with a life affirming moral tone and continue to appeal to him. He has also continued to enjoy his bee keeping and artisanal honey production. Bill has always been very handy around the house and has been working on home improvements. He is a great cook.  He is a fabulous drummer and has performed in several bands and has also taken on the role of managing his blues band. 

Bill plans to buy a trailer and a vehicle to pull it so that he can fulfill a long-term goal of traveling the USA and Canada exploring the majesty of the National Parks. Bill has fond memories of traveling with his family as a child and as a parent and now looks forward to a leisurely perusal of natural lands with his wife.

SCIMP SUMMARY

Bill maintains social connections through extended family and friends. His creative outlets include his music, his commitment to his apiary, and home improvement. Intellectually Bill explores the spiritual and engages in deep conversations about life’s meaning. He has a very down to earth approach to people and finds meaning in his spirituality, current volunteer work and family relationships. Physically, Bill is involved in healthy life style including playing drums, walking and bicycling.